Celebrating Blessings

Well, Christmas is upon is and 2011 is nearly over. I am feeling extra blessed this time of year. We started this yr with headaches almost immediately in January and we are ending it headache free. I cannot believe it has been so long, but yet it doesn't feel that way. I sure have had my reminders lately. Casey and I went to Houston this weekend to have a little get away to celebrate his birthday. On our way there, we started talking about our first trip down to Texas Children's and how he was calm and he says I was literally shaking. Although, I don't remember that, I don't doubt it. It is funny how little things seem to remind me of his tumor. The other day I was planning my outfit for the next day and then thought of the last time I wore the outfit was to my grandmothers birthday party in January and I remember Ty complaining of a headache and screaming the whole way home from pain I am sure.  I don't doubt that I will have these memories for a very long time, but at least I can then think of him now and how well he is doing and has done and just how great God is. Unfortunately so many people don't celebrate Christmas for the right reasons, but this year, I am celebrating him more than ever before. I will never understand how people do not believe and I will never understand why people don't want to believe. There is no way we could have gotten through our tragedy without having faith in a higher power. We are so blessed to celebrate the birth of our Jesus Christ. He is the almighty and he is our healer. So to all of my friends and followers, I want to wish you the merriest Christmas of all.

Followup

Well, it's getting to be that time again. Check up's check up's check up's!! In fact, this is a busy week, so I have lots to blog about. First I will open with a prayer request. On Tuesday we go back for Ty's first MRI since his last surgery in August. In my heart I know everything will be fine, but I just need to hear the doctor say this so I can start to put this behind me, as I mentioned in my last blog. I am ready to move on and move forward, but I need to hear the words " he is healed" at least one more time, if not 10000 times. I just pray that this will be the case and that the entire tumor is completely gone, no remains...please God give us this reassurance. My little monkey told me this morning, after he was telling me he wanted to stay home, that his head hurt!! Oh please don't let him start using this as an out!! No more headaches. For the first time however, I truly believed this time was for attention. It was ironic however because of where my thoughts were last night. Casey teaches several outdoor classes and there are certain times of year that he takes trips on the weekends with his class, this weekend being one of them. As he was packing, I thought back to his last trip in late February. At that point, Ty was complaining of a headache every day, however, with no other signs recognizable to anyone other than me, everone believed he was "faking".  I dreaded Casey leaving. Me being with him the entire weekend meant he was going to complain of a headache all weekend and I was going to be full of worry because that is what he did when he was with me. I went to College Station to be with my sister and the kids and on Friday night, my parents were out of town, so I decided to stay at their house and we decided to have a sleepover with the kids. Ty and Cole and I slept in mom and dad's bed. About 3 in the morning, Ty woke up screaming for his cousin Emma. I took him in the other room to settle him down and then he began grabbing his head repeatedly crying that his head was hurting. (Whether the screaming was making his head hurt or he was screaming because it hurt, I'll never know) I was crying out of frustration trying to get him to calm down, yet angry that he was not obeying me. After about 2 hours he finally went to sleep, but I remember being so frustrated. The next morning we woke up and Ty woke up in a good mood because we were all going to the park, however, that ended quickly though. Before we left, he was very tired and his head hurt again. By the time we got to the park, he perked up, but looking back, not himself.  Same song and dance the remaining weekend. Looking back on it, I have so much guilt that I didn't just take him right then and demand an MRI, but I told myself that I was wrong and everyone else was right. I cried last night for the first time in a long time thinking about it because it really was such a bad weekend and I still feel guilty, however, it wasn't long after that the tumor was discovered.  Sunday will be his 3rd birthday and I have never been more excited about anything in my life. We are so truly blessed to have him and even more blessed that we are able to celebrate his 3rd year of life. You never truly realize how precious life is until something like this hits you right in the face. Everything happens for a reason and God has such a perfect plan for our life and I am embracing life so much more now than ever before because it is just too short to live it in fear and worry. Thank you God for all of your many blessings and thank you for your mighty power.

October is around the corner

Well, I don't blog much anymore or at least I haven't in awhile. Ty is doing so wonderful and healthy, but that alone should be the reason I blog more frequently. He keeps me very busy. If I had a dime for every time someone passed us in public and said "wow you have a busy son" I would be rich... HEE HEE!!  His activity level is such a blessing though. It just proves what a true miracle he is. He turns 3 on the 9th and I just can't believe it. What a year we have had.. he definitely is the bravest 3 year old I know. 2 days after his birthday we head to Texas Children's for our first follow up MRI since brain surgery number 2. I am very anxious. Although I hate seeing him get sedated and hate that he has to be scared, I have complete faith that the doctors report will be positive and that I can start to slowly put this behind me. I want his 3rd year of life to be the best year ever. He deserves it so very much. People say he won't remember and I pray that he won't. I wish that I couldn't but then again what a blessing it is to experience one of God's miracles first hand. That's how I have to look at this now. We are studying Revelation right now in our Wednesday night bible study, and last week we spoke of letting go; letting go of that thing that has a hold of us. It truly touched my heart and I left that night deciding that I needed to move forward and begin to put this behind me. I realized that it keeps me from enjoying the true blessings in life because I spend every minute worrying about him when I should spend every minute rejoicing and thanking God that he healed my precious child.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength"
Phillippians 4:13

Peaceful Family

Hello all,
 As you can tell, my blogs are getting few and far between. Mainly because life is doing just what I had hoped, settling down.... Ty is turning in to a little boy more and more every day. I can't believe in less than a month, he will be 3. Every morning he makes me leave him alone as he picks out his clothes and dresses himself. I usually have to negoiate to get him to change shorts or shirts to match.. hee hee. We started off the week sad though. Our dog that we have had for 6 years (Casey's and my first child, hee hee) Truman was killed by a car; he was a miniatrue schnauzer. Ty wanted to go outside and play, so we came out the back and Truman ran out of the gate. Since he minds well and stays in the yard, I left him out. Ty and I were sitting in the driveway and Casey was working in the yard when Truman ran across the street to check something out. Casey looked up and called him back home before he saw the car coming. Being the obedient dog that he was, he came immediately and ran right in front of the car. As I scream in the yard with tears pouring out of my eyes, I look back to see Ty and he had big tears coming out of his eyes. He knew exactly what had happened. It broke my heart. He asked all night where Truman was and my other poor dog moped around the house. It was very difficult to explain to a 3 yr old what had happened, so we did what any irrational parent would do and bought him a new puppy, GG, a 9 week old chocolate lab and my sweet boys new best friend. He adores her and he is helping with her around the house; scolding her when she does wrong and letting her out. It is very cute. Our dog Dexter is still not sure what to think, but he will come around. On a totally different subject, we have started to give Ty milk again and he has done fabulous! I never thought I would be so excited to be able to give my child milk, but the thought of expanding his meals and our meals, is so wonderful!! Last night when we got home, Ty and I let GG out and he wanted to follow her. As soon as we got outside, he started playing, so I decided to let him play for a while. There was a cool brisk in the air finally. As I sat there and watched him run around chasing GG and Dexter, dig in the dirt, and try to climb the fence, I had an overwhelming since of peace come over me. We spent last year overcoming so many challenges, with him alone, and for once, I finally felt like everything was going to be okay. This is our year and it's going to be fabulous. God is great and I thank him everyday for the opportunity to serve as a wife to Casey and a mother to Ty. This is it! This is our year, praise God.

Heavy heart

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged. Last week was a not so nice week. My Ty got his first cold of the season, including a swollen gland that had me freaking out of course. He seems better, although that gland that Casey and the Dr say is not swollen still concerns me.. how silly am I? Worrying again!! God, please forgive me for that. Mom and I took him shopping yesterday and I am not sure why I forget that you should never take an almost 3 yr old WILD little boy shopping, but I do, EVERY TIME! Hee hee..

I titled my blog heavy heart because I do have a heavy heart, but not about my life right now, but about all of my surrounding friends that are surrounded by wild fires. They are everywhere and so devastating and so close to home. Please heavenly father, give us rain, lots and lots of rain. Please keep your hands on these fire fighters and all of the family's involved. In your precious name, I pray.

Now, last, but not least, my 5 things that made me smile

1. Shopping with my mom, cousin and Ty yesterday and all the laughter we received from Ty telling me "I'm MAD" at least 10 times

2. Eating dinner with my entire family last night

3. Getting to visit with cousins, their children and my aunt this weekend.

4. Ty telling me in the convenient store, "I am going to get skittles, that will be great won't it? " LOL!!

5. Ty spilling a cup of water and telling me "There is too much stuff on this table MOMMY" Already knowing how to place the blame on others!

5 things that made me smile

So, one of the blogs I follow on my blog is my sisters... www.mannafaith.blogspot.com . It is a wonderful, spiritual blog that I enjoy reading. One thing she has is a list of 5 things that bring her joy. I started thinking about how so much of my blog reflects upon the trials that the Deans have gone through as a family, but what I so often neglect are the things that make me smile daily. So, I am stealing this from her. I am going to post weekly a blog about 5 things that have made me smile and I know there are about 100 more, but I don't have enough time for all of them. So, in absolutely no particular order, here are 5 things that made me smile this week...

1. Watching Ty playng happily with his cousins, nana and papa this weekend (dancing on the WII, sleepover, etc)
2. Watching Ty ride his bicycle last night on the first somewhat bearable night that we have had.
3. Enjoying lunch with my 2 favorite guys every day last week.
4. Laying on the couch yesterday with Ty and snuggling for the first 30 minutes we had of the weekend
5. Ty begging me to watch TV and fall asleep in our bed last night and telling me that he saved a spot for me... who can say no to that? Then his daddy coming in to the room and joining us...

Accepting God's Gifts

Well, Ty is home now and doing fabulous. There was a little fluid built up behind his scar, which the Dr. said should go away, and after a few days, it seems that it has. He is just doing fabulous. I am still very overwhelmed with feelings, I believe. I still can't believe that it is over (with the exceptions of MRI's). I believe, going forward, the toughest challenge is accepting that. Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart that God has given us such an amazing gift by healing our precious Ty. But as a mom, it is so easy to worry about your child, because we love them so very much. This is what I am struggling with; worrying about him every minute, worrying that it will come back or something will come up. Maybe it is because we walked away in March thinking it was over and then went back. I don't know. I know in time, he will continue to get better and I will continue to get stronger. I do believe I am a different person and a much stronger person than I was 6 months ago, but I feel like right now, I am waiting for another challenge to be thrown our way and I know I should not be doing that. I think, part of God's plan, was to have me walk with him in all aspects of life and to stop living life through worry and fear, and I do believe I am doing that now, but I do stumble sometimes and I still fear sometimes. I think when I write, it reminds me to not do this and it helps me to get rid of that fear, if that makes any sense. Well, I am rambling now... On another note, please pray for a dear friend of mine right now that is pregnant. She has miscarried in the past and has the fears of a repeat..

Great News

Well, as I have been saying, God is good ALL the time, so very good. Ty had his second surgery yesterday to remove the piece of tumor. The surgery was quite a bit longer and he has been a little more tired, but the great news is that the MRI came back clear!!!! YAHOOO!!! I hate to say that I am still trying to convince myself that this too GOOD to be TRUE news is really that Good. I don't know why I am having a hard time, but I guess because we walked away the first time thinking that it was completely over and here we are. However, I know that the circumstances are definitely different. It is just one of those things that you hear about that is so very scary. I can't even say it outloud sometime without freaking out.. a brain tumor!!! How is that possible??? And now I  say my child had a brain tumor and is cured.. I guess right now the news is so surreal and incredible that I am letting it soak in. I am wanting my normalcy so very bad, so very bad that I have planned his birthday party already in October.  I am listening to him breath while he sleeps right now so peacefully and I am praying that that peacefulness will remain. His 2nd year of life was so rough, that I want his 3rd year to be the best year of our life. I want to spoil him so badley and not  care what anyone else thinks.. HA! In reality, I know I still have to treat him like a 3 yr old, but I will definitely spoil him the first half. Well, it is time to go sleep next to my little bed here in the ICU while I send my poor husband out to the waiting room to get some shut eye... sigh... maybe we will get a room tomorrow and get my little man to perk up.

Well, I don't have any words of wisdom today. This week is our big week. Surgery number 2, series of MRI's, hospital stay... etc.. Ty is anxiously packing for our "Trip" and although he told me he knew where we were going, I don't think he understands. Writing today may bring tears to my eyes, so I am not going too. Instead I am going to post lyrics to mine and Ty's favorite song. My wonderful 3 year old knows these lyrics and belts them out! How powerful is that!! God will take care of him this week because "Our God is higher than any other"...

Our God, by Chris Tomlin...

Water You turned into wine
Open the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You

CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

Into the darkness you shining
Out of the ashes we Rise
There’s no One like You
None like You.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who can ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

When can my almost 3 yr old just be a 3 yr old

Well, I got the phone call today, the first one since Ty's surgery. Ms Connie called to tell me Ty had thrown up and had it coming out of the other end of course. When I picked up the phone and Connie was telling me he was sick, my heart immediately begin to flutter.. all I could here was he was sick and he threw up. It was like I heard nothing else. He said his tummy hurt and nothing else, so bless his soul for being able to finally tell me now. He is at his Nana's house and has been happy all day. For most mother's this is all they need to know to not worry about their child. But, I am not like most mother's.. I sit here and I worry, I remember when he was sick and pray that there is nothing else going on. Now, I ask you, why do I do this? I really just want Ty to be a normal 3 yr old, but yet I am the only one not treating him like one. I am the one irrationally jumping to conclusions when my child most likely had a very mild stomach bug that I am pretty sure my husband had nights before. I truly believe that God has given us our trial and that he has put Ty on this earth for a reason. I believe that once we get over this next hump, we will move forward and life will be perfect for us. Whether it will be or not, in my eyes it will be ... Just as I tell myself these things , and I find myself worrying less, the old me pops back in and my worry takes over. So, each time this happens, I plan on blogging and telling you about it. This will serve as a reminder to knock myself  back down to reality. To remember what the good Lord did for my Ty and remember that at no point did worrying make any difference in anything that happened with Ty.

Neurological Evaluation

Well, it is a little hard to blog about Ty's neurological evaluation on Monday because I wasn't there.. Ty's daddy took him.  Unfortunately, all of this medical stuff came when I had only been at my job less than a year, so sick time is not something that I have much of anymore. I hate that I had to miss it, but I have to put some time toward's work. Basically Ty had to be evaluated to see how he is doing after the first brain surgery and before the second. After four hours, they determined he is in the top of his age group. What a smart boy I have! My mother in law was sending me updates and I got a little teary eyed. Again, I feel like he is forced to be such a grown up through this. What two year old wants to go through tests like this? " How many eyes do you have Ty" "Which one matches" What color is this" I mean, not only was Ty very tired, he is also only 2 years old. He may perform outstanding one day and not the other because that is how a two year old operates.Casey said that you could tell Ty was getting frustrated at times. We are exactly one week away for that dreadful surgery #2. I am ready for it to be here and be gone. I am ready for life to be normal, or as normal as possible... does this sound familiar??? I think I have said it a time or too, and I pray that that day is sooner rather than later. Please keep my sweet son in your prayers and Casey and I. Please pray that God guides the doctors hands and that they are able to safely remove Ty's tumor and we can move forward. Pray that his recovery is as amazing as the first and that he doesn't have bad memories as a child. Spread the word wherever you go to pray for my sweet child. I know God is watching over him and holding our hands and I know we will get through this.

13 days and counting...

Well, we are back from our vacation. We had a fabulous time but we are very exhausted. We were so very glad to see Ty when we got home. We went to pick him up first thing, because I knew I didn't want to wait until the morning. He was asleep on the floor at his nana's and I picked him up.. he opened his groggy eyes and put his head down, then shot it back up, looked at me and gave me the biggest smile ever saying "I missed you mommy". Absolutely priceless.... I stayed home with him Tuesday and we had such a good time just cuddling and watching TV. He asked me on numerous occasions when we were going on a trip with him. It made me kind of sad because I knew the next trip would be straight to Houston, Texas Children's, which is now right around the corner. Being prepared for this surgery has it pros, but it definitely has its cons. With the last surgery, of course, we didn't have any clothes, nothing to do during down time, no time to let it soak in, etc... but we also didn't have time to dwell or worry or think. Everything happened so fast that the surgery came and went before we even knew it. This one seems like an eternity away. I am glad I can prepare for it, but I also can't stop thinking about it. I think I have treated it in my head like a minor surgery, because it is minor compared to his first, but when I truly sit down and think about that he is going back in for brain surgery, it breaks my heart. I know God will take care of him, like he did in the past, but noone wants to see their child go through this. Any mother would wish that they could take the tumor away from their child. I find myself having a few more break downs as we get closer to the surgery, just moments of tears and frustration. I am not frustrated with God by any means, I know this is part of his glorious plan. I am just frustrated that I feel so helpless and frustrated that we were so close to putting this behind us that we have to start all over again. I am so ready for August 3rd so we can try, AGAIN, to put this behind us and move forward. I pray that we go to the MRI on the 2nd and that there is no tumor, that we get to walk away from Texas Children's and let Ty go on a better trip :-) If not, then I pray that God has his hands on him and all of the doctors on the 3rd and that this surgery is even more of a success than the first and that recovery is even better than the first and that from that point on, life will begin without a tumor controlling our life and feelings. It is in your precious name that I pray, Amen.

Vacation Time!

Well, it is finally here!! Casey and I will be leaving with some friends for the Dominican Republic on Tuesday night. I am definitely ready and I think Ty is too. He is very excited about staying with his grandparents. The first day will be hard, but I know we will enjoy the vacation away. It seems like forever ago since we bought the tickets. (The Saturday before that dreadful day) I think it is because so much has happened since we bought those tickets. If you don't truly believe that God has a plan for everything, then read my blog in it's entirety, because I truly believe he does. He knew what was to come when we bought those tickets!! I plan to have 5 days where I don't think about Ty's past and upcoming surgerys, although I know this will be impossible,  I am sure going to try. I am so excited about spending time with friends. We have spent alot of time with those friends lately and Casey and I were talking about how happy we are living here and how lucky we are to have met such wonderful people, some of course we have known for years. I can't wait to post pictures and blog about what a good time we had. Of course, 2 weeks later, I will continue with my blogs about Ty as we go in for surgery #2. I am going to close with a prayer for safe traveling for Casey and I and all of our friends and for a safe return.

A Step Back

Well, as you probably already know through the wonderful world of Facebook, yesterday's followup didn't go as we wanted. We started the morning very early, 4:30 to be exact. We made it to Houston just in time, pretty positve, but very tired. They took Ty back for his MRI and of course I had to tell them that my wild little man had swallowed a penny weeks ago and because I am not a fan of digging thru his diaper, I had no idea if it passed..... sooooo, we had to do an x ray first. Ty hated it, but was a sport. As the camera came down, he was screaming in tears, and I said, say cheese. Being the good sport he is, he cried CHEEZE. It was precious. Then they come in to do the IV. That broke me, AGAIN. He was so upset. It scared him and made me ball. I thought, as I sat in the waiting room, that this would be the worse part of the day. Well, I was wrong. The MRI indicatd that there was a tiny fragment of the tumor left in his brain. It had showed up on previous MRI's but Dr. Dauser thought that it was blood or scar tissue, but unfortunately it was not. He said it has the features of the tumor and he had tried to get it all, but we know that that is difficult. He said that it wouldn't hurt Ty and would cause him no pain, but, if you don't get the entire tumor out, you do not have a complete cure and therefore have the risk of the tumor coming back at a later date. The best option would be to go in and remove that portion. The surgery would be much less riskier than the first for many reasons, one being that there is no fluid on the brain, and also that it should only take about 2 hours. We should only be in Texas Children's a few days. The oncologist agreed that this would be the best option, low grade tumor or not, getting it out gives the best results. I spent the day being very frustrated, having moments of breaking points and moments where my strength came out. I don't know how to feel. I hate to see my baby boy go through another surgery, but there is no other option to me. I know that things could be so much worse and I thank God that they are not. Even for a child with a low grade tumor, Ty has had a wonderful recovery, so I guess having a minor setback is to sometimes be expected. We are going on vacation in July and I want so bad to use that time for Casey and I to relax our minds and focus some of our time on us, which lately, our heads are only on our baby boy. His surgery will be in August, and then I hope we can move forward. I have faith that God will get us through this next surgery just as easy as the first. I pray that he will give me the strength to not let my sweet boy see me cry, to not see my moments of fear. I pray that I can allow myself to focus on all of the good, which is that my baby boy has the chance to be 100% cured. I pray that Ty knows every day how much his mommy and daddy love him and that we want him to be better and most importantly, I pray that I don't let my worry get the best of me again, that I can push through it and always keep God right beside me getting me through it.  The fragment is slightly smaller than the last MRI, so we will do one more MRI just in case it isn't a piece of the tumor or just dissolves, if that is possible,which has to be because With God, All things are Possible.

As days go by...

Well, it has been 3 months today since that horrible day; the day that a mother's worse fears are brought to light. I have been thinking about it alot lately. I think it is because Ty will go next Tuesday for his round of followup appointments; MRI, Neuro and an appt with the Oncologist, which just has me all wigged out. It is just protocol and I know he is healthy and doing perfect, but there are still days that I can't believe what he went through and days that I can't believe we have to go for these follow up appointments. I do, however, have a different feeling than I did the morning of the 16th, which was his first MRI. That morning I was full of fear, but had a glimmer of hope. I knew, however, that my baby was sick, so it was mainly fear. Going in to Tuesday, although I always worry with anesthesia, I am going in to those appts with faith and as a very proud mommy. I have faith that the hard part is over, that the doctors will say he is doing just as great as I know he is doing and that before we know it, these appts will be annual. I have found myself saying all to frequently that "I wish I could forget" but last night Casey and I were talking about it and I decided, since I know I will never forget, I never want to forget. Remembering just reminds me of what a miracle our Ty is and how mighty and powerful our God is. We serve such a big God! Sometimes we go about our day and we don't put him first every day, but I want to put him first, because HE is who healed my baby boy and HE can do anything that we ask him to do. With him on my side, I have no reason to fear.  There is a scripture on my computer that I was emailed after my miscarriage and I read it every day. Psalm 32:7, "For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory"

Seven Wonderful Years

Well, I am starting this blog with a happy 7th anniversary to my husband Casey. We were married 7 years ago on Sunday. On Saturday, we celebrated with shopping and dinner in the Woodlands and had an outstanding time. I am so blessed to be married to such an amazing guy. In 7 years, we have been through so much together and he has been my rock through it all. Our marriage continues to get stronger with every mountain we climb, from infertility, to miscarriages, to our most recent events with Ty's health. My sister told me before Casey and I met that somewhere God was preparing someone to meet me, that perfect person that would fit with me completely. Shortly after, I met Casey and in 3 months, we were engaged and one year were married. Casey is an incredible husband and an even more incredible dad. Ty is like his daddy in so many ways and I just love that! I see them together and I smile all the time. I have never seen Casey get discouraged, even when we went through the worse thing we could have imagined in March, he remained strong. I saw worry, but I also saw strength. I am so happy and proud to call him my husband. I love you Casey Dean.

Love is Awesome“Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” 1Corinthians 13:4-8

What's been going on

Well, it has definitely been a while since my last post. Life has been pretty busy lately.. I seem to be filling my time making muffins or cupcakes for Ty to eat so we can kick this milk allergy, which we are not having success with. It is funny how when you want your child to eat something, he won't. I guess in time, if he is going to kick this milk allergy, he will. Ty has been doing great. He is such a happy little boy now and he just loves Summer time. We have been to birthday parties, play dates, the park, and tomorrow a family reunion, which should be fun. On another note, next week will be Casey's and my 7th anniversary, in which we will celebrate with a little bit of mommy and daddy time, possibly some shopping and then dinner. It will be a nice little time to ourselves, which we have not had much of lately. In July, we will be going with some friend to the Dominican Republic. We are definitely looking forward to it, although that will be my first time to leave Ty. Luckily he has an MRI right before we go, so that should give me a clear head. Well, it is getting about that time to welcome the weekend, so I wish everyon (who still reads this) a happy and safe memorial day!

Milk, Milk, Milk

Well, I haven't really had anything to blog on lately. Since my last blog, we have been pretty busy enjoying summer. We went to the circus, which was fun, and we are doing a lot of playing outside and enjoying the sunshine. Ty is still just as full of energy as ever. He loves being outside.  His hair has really started to grow back too and there are actually days that I don't see his scar, but unfortunately still not days that I don't think about it, but one day... On a very positive note and a whole other health issue, Ty went to see the allergist yesterday to do what is called a "heated milk challenge". He had to eat a piece of muffin that was made with a powdered milk (doesn't sound great) and then 30 minutes later, eat a bigger piece.. He had to do this 4 times. Poor Casey and Sylvia who took him because it was a loooonnnggg appointment, but in the end the doctor says that he thinks they can reverse the allergy, just in time for his 3rd birthday. He will have a half of a muffin every day for 6 months. Guess I better become a baker :-) I guess this builds up his immunity towards milk. This is just becoming a year of discoveries :-) God is really working in our lives right now!

Mother's Day

Well, happy Mother's Day to everyone. My weekend was great, exactly what I needed. Saturday we took Ty to the circus with our good friends and their girls, who Ty just adores. We ate before and then did lots of shopping afterwards as well as stopping by to see my parents. Ty was in a great mood and really had a good time on Saturday. On Sunday, we went to church and then out to Nana and Poppy's house for a while so Ty could play with his BFF Dean and Ellie. Then home for some much needed cuddle time. I can't think of the last time I got to nap with my sweet boy on a Sunday, so I definitely enjoyed that. Being a mom and a wife is the greatest joy I have ever known and this year even more than in the past, I am holding my treasures just a little tighter!

Song

I don't have anything to blog today, but I wanted to put some song lyrics on here. It is the song that I have listened to repeatedly through every trial this year, so much that Ty sings it, which is precious. It serves as a reminder that we need to give everything to God:-)

If We've Ever Needed You
Casting Crowns

Hear our cry, Lord, we pray
Our faces down, our hands are raised
You called us out, we turned away
We've turned away

With shipwrecked faith the idols rise
We do what is right in our own eyes
Our children now will pay the price
We need Your light, Lord, shine Your light

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

All our hearts, all our strength
With all our minds, we're at Your feet
May Your kingdom come in our hearts and lives
Let Your church arise, let Your church arise

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out
We're reaching out

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, reaching out

We need You now
Revive us now
We need You now

Today's Scare

Okay, well this weekend was a pretty good weekend. He saw his grandparents all weekend, both sets. On Friday, he did something somewhat weird with his eyes, that of course freaked me out, but all in all I think it was a mixture of dirt and dry eyes. On Saturday he was great, played all day, no nap! He slept good too! On Sunday we drove to my parents house. He was very clingy in the car, begging for me to get him out and hold him and just kind of whiny. Casey assumed he was tired but I was somewhat bothered by it. The day was overall a great day. We went shopping with my mom and nephew and although we were exhausted, had a good time. Ty was off and on needy with a horrible appetite. On the way home last night, he decided that he wanted something to eat so I gave him a snack. Well, as he was eating he cried and coughed, then threw up. After that, he seemed extremely fine. Casey and I had assumed that he had gagged on a piece of his snack. I still didn't sleep good, because I was concerned. I wondered how I would handle the first time he threw up after, and apparently not well. This morning he woke up happy but had off and on spats of neediness and complaining that his head hurt. I did see him scratch it, so really tried to convince myself that is all it was. However, I decided that it would be best  to call the on call Dr (who never actually called me) I paged 2 times and then one of the nurses from our nero's office called (which impressed me) I explained everything, in detail (obviously) and they said to be safe we needed to take him in to get a CT Scan. There is always a chance that fluid could build up and we needed to be safe. Luckily everything was fine. There was a little bit of fluid in the hole where the tumor was resected, but that is all and normal. As I am sure this will not be our first, it does break my heart. He did so well getting the scan, it actually made me a little sad. A 2 yr old should not be so familiar with these mean ole' machines. I want to be a normal mom with a normal 2 yr old who gets sick sometimes, but unfortunately we cannot take chances and right now; He is normal, but his situation is FAR from it. I know this is just the beginning and again, if this is the worse we have to deal with, I can deal with it. I wouldn't trade his recovery ever unless, I could completely take away the whole situation of course. Once he is older and can explain everything to me, things will be easier, I am confident in that. My prayer for today is that I can make good sound decisions in dealing with Ty's health. I pray that I can find the bounderies between being a normal concerned mom of a little boy who had surgery and a mom who has complete worry and fear over him getting sick again. I pray that I give all of this to God and that he guides me in the right direction every time we are faced with this situation and that my little boy always feels like he is very normal and very loved and that he doesn't grow up fearing doctors and fearing illnesses. A very wise man, my dad, told me that my worrying was right when he was sick, but not to assume it will always be that way and to pick my battles, basically. He is so very right. He is not telling me not to worry, he is telling me to worry when needed, but also know that he is a little 2 yr old and he WILL get sick again, he will throw up, he will one day have a headache, he will run fever, he will hit his head, etc etc. I have to just take it day by day and have faith. We had to take him in today and I know we did the right thing this time but I need to prepare myself for a recurrence and know how to handle it .

Isaiah 40:29-31  "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Just thoughts

As I mentioned earlier in my blog, Casey and I moved to Madisonville in the middle of last year. I took a new job and we left our life in Bryan to begin a new life in Madisonville. I was so very nervous at first. I didn't know where that would lead us but I told myself that God had presented us with so many opportunities that I knew he was speaking to us and telling us to make this move. WOW, what an incredible decision it has been. This town is amazing and the people we have met, friends we have made (new and old) are incredible. I was just visiting with one today about similar circumstances our sons have gone through and it was such a blessing to be able to talk to someone about my feelings through all of this. We spoke of how God puts people in your life for a reason, and man how that rings true. It is so good to be able to express your feelings to someone who knows what you have been through, or similar. Don't get me wrong, I am so completely happy and I couldn't have asked for a better outcome, as I have said before. But, yes, there are days I cry and there are days I still worry. My little boy went through such a tramatic experience and it could have gone so differently. He will always have to have MRI's and his mommy will probably always worry every time he has a headache. I don't want him to have to go through those MRI's and I don't want to be a hovering mom. Someone told me Easter weekend that I was hovering and although he didn't mean to make me feel bad, it did. How do you not hover when earlier in the day, Ty took a tumble down a step and landed where??? Right on his head!! He was fine, of course, but at that moment, fear came over me. Even though it doesn't seem like it though, it  has only been a month and still very fresh in my head. I know that in time, I will learn to let him be a boy. God will take care of him as he did on March 18th. There is an organization called the PLGA foundation. It helps research and fund pilocytic low grade astercytomas. It is one of the leasts researched tumors because it is considered low grade and benign. When I read some of the kids stories on here, I know how much God took care of him. We are so truly truly blessed. I can't say it enough and I won't stop saying it. I feel it every day. I look at life so differently now and I know just how very short it is. I know this blog was kind of all over the place, but I guess talking to my friend today kind of made me do some thinking :-)

Feeling better

Well, I am feeling better now. I talked to the nurse today for Ty's neuro and she assured me that his pain seemed to be part of the healing process, scar tissure, nerves, etc  or just itching in general. He has done so well that I have to remind myself that he had BRAIN surgery and he may very well have pain from time to time. I can't worry every time. I have definitely been reminded today, however. Once I got off the phone with the nurse, she reminded me of appts that had to be scheduled. On June 21st he will go back for his first follow up MRI, followed by and appt with the Neurologist (Dr. Dauser) followed by a "Protocol" appt with Oncology. This is just standard of brain tumors. He needed to have it done already, but they couldn't get it scheduled and since the tumor was benign, the oncologist agreed to reschedule. When talking to the nurse we also discovered that he was suppose to see an opthamologist and he never did, so hince, another appt we need to schedule, possibly. Oh, my poor little man. Although I am glad for the recurrent checks, I hate that he has to go through the MRI procedures again. I wish I could make it easier on him or switch places with him.. Anyway, my stressful day is almost over and then I can go kiss my sweet boy!

Frustration

Well, today is not a very great day for me. I am somewhat frustrated, and I know I shouldn't.  This morning started off great, Ty was in an outstanding mood. Then right when we were leaving, he grabbed the back of his head and said, hold me mommy. When I grabbed him, I said does your head hurt and he said no, it's all better. Then he told me one other time it hurt but then it was better. He didn't act like he was in pain at all, but I felt the need to call the doctor and let them know. My heart is telling me that it is probably just itching or healing and whatever he felt, hurt. He had a CT scan only 23 days ago and everything looked great, so I know there is nothing there. I hate that he is only 2 1/2 and has to go through this because everything is a guessing game. He can't tell me whatever it is that he felt this morning.. He doesn't know the difference between itching, hurting, burning, etc. All he knows is something bothered him, however it may be. I try not to worry, but how am I suppose to not worry. His recovery was amazing, we couldn't have asked for more. Because of this, I get nervous that sometimes he over does it, but how do you slow a 2 yr old down? Again, I wonder how we got here, but I can't ask that, I just have to have faith that it is over and although there will be struggles from time to time, we will get through it. We have gotten through the hardest part and God got us through it. Tomorrow is a new day and should be a better day. I have to remember that although the doctors say he should have any more pain, he is only 2. Unless you have had one removed yourself, there is no way to know what he is feeling inside when his head is healing. It very well may hurt sometimes, and I need to know that is okay.

Easter

Happy Easter to everyone! I hope you had as wonderful of a holiday as I did. Easter is always so big for my family, as it should be. I look forward to it every year and I especially looked forward to it this year. Ty is older now and seems to be quite good at hunting Easter eggs!! Hee hee! I think he had a great weekend though, seriously. On Friday, my parents came to stay with us and we took Ty to a small carnival that was here in town, his first carnival actually. He had a great time, but would NOT try the cotton candy, which apalls me!! How can you not want to try cotton candy??? He rode a few rides, which made me realize how big he is getting. Saturday morning we headed to my aunt's house in Grapeland and wow, what a blast he had. He rode his bike, played with water guns, played in the sprinklers and then got to Easter Egg Hunt. He fortunately got loads of candy. I am sarcastic when I say forunately! About 6:30 he was on an obvious sugar high making everyone laugh at him and then by 10, he completely crashed. Sunday was more of the same, but different family. We stayed home and went to church Sunday morning and then headed out to my inlaws house to eat, dye Easter eggs and have one more hunt. Again, he had a blast. He especially enjoyed dying the Easter eggs, which I was nervous about, but he did great. He asked me about Easter egg hunting yesterday, so I think he thinks it will be a regular occurance. In 2 weeks, we will be taking him to the circus, which I think he will really enjoy. As I mentioned earlier, I think this age is so much fun. You can really start to see how much they are growing up and watch them enjoy themselves in certain situations, if not ALL situations.  On a medical note, Ty has gained 2 and a half  lbs since his last Doctor's appointment, which is outstanding! Here is another story for you that I may not have mentioned. Ty's doctor has been concerned about his weight since he was born. Although, he grows and does NOT in any way look like a "Failure to thrive" baby, the Dr. thought he should be gaining weight more frequently. Last year he ran several test and that is when we discovered the milk allergy, unfortunately we had already gotten adnoids out, which might have been prevented had we discovered sooner. About 6 months went by and Ty gained maybe 1 pound by October. When he went to the Dr this final time, he was still concerned about his weight because he was not gaining. Along with the MRI and the allergist, he wanted him to see a Gastro to to see if the had Reflux... WOW, lots to take in that day. Anyway, once the tumor was discovered, I spoke to my pedi and he said we would hold off with the gastro because the tumor may have been the cause of everything. Well, seems like it was because Ty is at his heaviest and eats NONSTOP!! Praise God. He picked at his dinner often and did not eat much breakfast for me, come to think of it, he didn't snack near as much either. I think he just overall felt bad. My poor baby!  Well, I think that is all for today. Don't be surprised it my next blog is about the financial aspect of all of this because insurance seems to be the new focus, yippy! Although, this is by far the BEST money I have ever spent, you can't put a price on it, so I really find it difficult to complain to much about the medical costs.

Backtracking to before surgery...

I decided in reading my blogs, that unless you know me well, you probably don't know how we got to the point of an MRI, so I thought I would share the story. That way maybe one day, our story may benefit someone else. One day in January, Ty got put in time out. He was not in there long screaming when he came out telling me that he bumped his head, which I didn't witness but didn't think he did. He sat in my lap and begged me to rub his head for at least 30 minutes, which I thought was strange. Me, being the worrier that I am, decided that he had a headache and suggested it to Casey. At the time, I do realize this was somewhat irriational, but I believe now, it was the truth. People would laugh and start asking him if he had a headache, so soon after he started complaining of a headache. There are two things to point out though, he NEVER did it at daycare and did it mainly around his mommy. He also did it quite frequently when throwing a fit. I decided to take him to the doctor and let him check it out. During the appt, he asked for a sucker and when he was told no, he threw a huge fit and grabbed his head screaming. The doctor witnessed this. I, again being the worrier that I am, asked him with scared eyes about a tumor, which he said, 98% no; there just weren't enough signs, but we will keep watching. He suspected, as did others, that he was doing this for sympathy. This continued for 3 months and I was constantly told not to worry, he was somewhat playing me. I still saw things that others did not see, like him grabbing his head while he was playing and saying "ouch"! It started to progress around the time he got some ear infections, so at that time, it was shrugged off again. Finally, in March, he grabbed it and cried at daycare. I rushed him back to doctor, however, this time the ENT. The ENT suggested it was his molars and sent us on our way. Within a week or so, Ty began to feel sick. His mood changed, he threw up, and became very tired. Several tests were run, including allergy (thank goodness that I have a great doctor ) Last yr Ty was diagnosed with a "Mild" milk allergy, however, the allergist said that it was severe and he had chronic sinitus because he has still had some milk products. That day, we actually had some peace thinking maybe we had found the problem. 2 days later, however, he went to his MRI that was already scheduled and that is when our world changed. I write this because I want every mother to know that you're instinct is REAL! If you feel that your baby is sick or not himself, then don't ever be afraid to check it out, the best that could happen is that you would be wrong and he would be fine!

Funny Conversations

I think that Ty's age has to be one of, if not the, funnest age there is. The things he says every day make me laugh so hard and also amaze me. Some of the things, of course, not so nice, HA HA! I have been trying to bring up God or Jesus in our conversations more and more, and I laugh as I listen to how he tries to get it, but how confused he is. Our first conversation was a few weeks ago when I asked him if he knew who watched over him at night in his bed and he said, so positively, yes...Buzz Lightyear! HA HA HA.. I couldn't help but laugh and had to agree, but then explained that I was talking about Jesus. Yesterday, I was trying to teach him the meaning of Easter during 2 different conversations. The first one, I explained that we celebrate Christmas because Christ was born and we celebrate Easter because Jesus died and rose again (which I laugh at myself while I do this, because I know he doesn't get it) I just try to be repetitive. I told him how wonderful Jesus is and that he healed Ty's head and he said... No, I went to Dr and Dr made my head better :-) How do you compete with a 2 yr old who is smart enough to know what is going on? I tried to explain that Jesus was there with the doctors, but then decided he may be a little young to get it, to say the least. However, I did try one more time last night and was informed that Easter means a bunny hop hop hop! Oh how I love these funny conversations!  I am so very excited about this weekend though. Easter is such a wonderful holiday and for my family it is a very big holiday with a very big gathering. I can't wait to parade my healed 2 year old in front of my family and let them get that feeling of amazement that I have every day.I also look forward to spending our first Easter in our new church here in Madisonville that we love. What a great weekend we have planned and it is almost here. Spring is absolutely the best time of year, so I hope to have many many posts of all the fun things we will be doing. In 2 weeks, we will be taking Ty to his first circus! We are doing our part to live life to the absolute fullest! Happy Easter everyone and may God Bless you during your travels !

Time Flies..

Well, it has been one month since Ty's miraculous surgery. WOW! I seriously can't believe it, although, with his recovery, it almost feels like ages ago. We got the recovery that we prayed so desperately for and every day it becomes more and more of a distant memory, with the exception of the little things, like our incident on Sunday. Sometimes I just watch him. I watch him play, I listen to him talk, I watch him sleep, I watch him all the time and I am just so amazed at how blessed Casey and I truly are. We are now just focusing on the normal things that parents deal with, like POTTY TRAINING! Ughhh.. oh how I wish this phase could be avoided and he could just do it all on his own.. We are definitely having difficulties with this one! I think you need a parenting lesson all in itself on this one, especially with boys.. like you have to point it down and in the potty!! Lets just say, I will need to wash the bathroom rugs and mop tonight. But, oh how I enjoy these fabulous moments!! My Ty 3 months ago use to wake up in the morning very upset. He would cry all morning and want to be held, making it very difficult to get dressed. He would come home at night and cry and throw fits through a large portion of the night and I would frequently cook while holding him. Now, he wakes up so very very happy and comes home happy. Fits seem to also be a distant memory. Now, we are just a little mischevious, which makes me smile. I knew I would have a mischevious child because, to put it mildly, my husband was slightly mischevious. Well, I think that about ends it for tonight. I have to go pick up my precious angel, but again, I have to say, God is so very Good.

Boys will be Boys, but I kind of would like mine to wear a permanent helmet

It has been one month exactly since the surgery and we had our first scare last night! Arghh!! I even fell off my nonworrying wagon! Ty had a fabulous day yesterday. He played outside, drove the toy gator (with a helmet) and then got to play with his BFF, his cousin Dean. Well, as much as I would like to shelter him away from being rowdy, it is very difficult to do that to a 2 yr old. Needless, to say, the boys got a little rowdy and there was an incident. Ty cried and said he bumped his head, but not seeing the entire thing, I didn't know where. I checked him out immediately and he was good. Sure enough, got him home and in the bath and Casey called me in there... "Not to freak you out honey, but has that bump always been on his scar?" WHAT??? Talk about a major panic!! I was ready to head to the ER, but I got my sanity in check and decided to call the on call neuro instead. After a series of questions, sounds like a normal kid bump, which Ty did tell me that is where he hit Dean. I don't know that this completely convinced me, but I accepted it. Thankfully, this morning, the bump is ALMOST gone. Praise the Lord. As much as I would like that fear to go away towards his head, I think it is a little soon to expect it.  I don't, however, want him to live in a box. The doctor said to let him be a boy, and that is what I want to do. Bless his heart, he has already dealt with so much! First, he is allergic to milk, so he always gets to eat different things than his friends and kids. He can't go to fun places like Gattiland, etc..and now, he just had major brain surgery! I want him to live as normal life as possible now, but I want him to be safe, which is no different than any other mom, I know. Maybe I needed last night's incident to know he was going to be okay if he got a bump; another one of life's lessons, I guess.

Playing, playing, playing

It will be a short blog today, but I had to write about our night last night. Every night, we get home from daycare, go inside, I start cooking and he plays the WII, or as he calls it, the Wheel. It is a Pixar Cars game, that he can kind of play, but not so much. It just entertains him while I throw dinner together. After dinner, comes play time with Mommy. This has started to be a regular occurance. I have repeatedly tried to move this into the living room so I can spend time with both boys, but I am not too successful. Last night, we decided to move on from the cars and play with puzzles, you know the wooden ones with shapes and other fun stuff. He got several during his stay at TCH. As I sat there and watched him put together puzzle after puzzle, one of them being an alphabet puzzle that is somewhat hard, I am completely amazed. Less than a month ago, we were sitting at TCH, listening to the Doctors tell us what could happen; loss of motor skills, use of right side, talking, and so on.. and now, here he sits, as if nothing happened, in fact more advanced than when we brought him to TCH. How can someone witness something like that and not see how powerful and almighty our Lord and Savior is? It is something that I will never understand, because I for one, have learned to put my complete Faith in him, because I know, with all my heart, that he has a plan for me and all of my family. I get so excited when I think about it now! I lived so much of my life in fear and now, I live every day excited with energy about what is to come. I know that I said eventually my posts would not just be about Ty and his healing, especially since he is healed, but right now, I can't help but to shout about how wonderful he is doing and what a miracle he is!! If you haven't done it yet today, go kiss your child / children and Thank God for them! Have a blessed day.

The Weekend

Well, we had an absolutely wonderful weekend, full of playing and laughter, another reminder of how great God is. Saturday we played outside all day.. he mowed the lawn with his daddy, rode his car, got to see his friends Tiffany and Landry, and then got to see his 97 year old Great Granny Saturday night. Sunday, we headed back to church, which was great. All the ladies in the nursery have really missed Ty. Then Sunday afternoon was more of the same. Ty played in the sprinkler and "Got Dirty" as he put it.. I love it! We had so much fun. I still watch him in amazement. Friday night, I went with a dear friend and my sister, to see Mercy Me! What an awesome night of Praise and Worship. Natalie Grant was the opening act. She sang her song "Held", which I could never listen too because it is about losing a child. I wept the entire song on Friday. I told my sister I wasn't sure why, but I think it was relief; relief of what could have happened. Sunday, we spoke in Sunday school about having faith and keeping it during tragedy. Another moment of tears for me, but a very good lesson. I long for the day that I don't relive it in my head, that I don't think about what I could have done differently, but I know it will come and I know that I did do everything I could have done to get him to TCH. Well, I think I am signing off for the day. I have to end with a big thanks to our lord and savior for a wonderful weekend with my husband and our miracle.

Clean Bill of Health

Well, Ty went back to the doctor on Monday to get a final CT Scan. The doctors say that he is looking good. He will be going back to daycare on Thursday, so we shall return to normalcy. I am very ready for normalcy. As I look back from 2010 to present, we have been faced with many challenges. In February of last year, we had our 2nd miscarriage and D & C.  In July, I left a wonderful job with outstanding friends and took a new job in a new town. We are very happy here though and excited about our decision. Just as things settled, we decided to try again for a 2nd child in September. Unfortunately, this ended again in miscarriage. This was a very difficult time because I first miscarried on my own and then there was a second embryo discovered as well (a twin) that was removed by D&C. We were then faced with the decision of do we stop or continue....I think we now have made that decision. We feel that we have such a miracle with Ty. He took us 2 yrs, SEVERAL surgeries and infertility treatments to have and now has survived brain surgery. Our family is so very perfect just as it is and we want this year to be about him and healing. It is time to put the past behind us and move on with our life because what a life it is. I still thank GOD every day for the perfect gifts he has given me. Thank you for allowing me to pour out my thoughs and prayers.

As days go by

Howdy Friends,
  First let me start with a big Gig'em Ags!! Congrats to the Lady Ags! Not alot happening around the Dean house except for keeping up with my little toddler with his new energy and very enhanced communication skills. I am not sure why, possibly due to the tumor, but my little 2 year old talks better than he ever has before. Some of the biggest reasons for fits before (other than the tumor) were due to lack of communication, he had trouble telling me what he wanted.  NOW, lets just say he has no problems.. hee hee. I went back to work on Friday, that was very hard needless to say, but life must go on. This may be my shortest blog ever, but one final thought that occurred to me last night.. Casey and I both had horrible headaches last night, normal headaches, but still bad, and I looked at Casey and said, can you imagine (and Casey finished my sentence with ) what Ty's headaches felt like with a tumor?? I try not to think about it or dwell upon it that much, but for that moment, my heart ached for him and I realized yet again, what a brave boy I have and how wonderful God is. My sister sent me a very appropriate scripture that fits our situation to a T.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified
because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

I made a promise earlier on to not worry anymore and just have Faith, and I can tell you, so far, I have had no problems. My Faith is so much stronger now and I know that someone so much more powerful has is in complete control and he will provide.

Finally Home

It has been a while since I posted. Once my little fire engine got his drain out, he has been non stop since and I have been on full alert. He skipped all the steps of PT and OT and walked his way to the end in 4 days. Now, I can't slow him down! Saturday we finally headed home. I was nervous at first, which is silly. I should have been excited but I just worried about the what ifs once we got home. However, once we walked in the door and he immediately started playing as if we never left, my worries disappeared into peace.  For 3 months, my head has been full of worry and fear. I have watched him grab his head and wince, or cry for no reason. I have seen him throw up or go from having energy to laying on the couch in the middle of the day and telling me he is sick. Listening to others tell me it was no big deal, I had to try to convince myself every day there was nothing wrong, but my gut told me otherwise. As I sit here now on Monday, I have watched him play nonstop and turn back into the happy little boy I know, I feel at complete peace, a peace I have not felt in a long time.  I hope that this will be a distant memory, one that we think of only occasionally (during MRI's only maybe). Although I know that it will be a while, I do know that day will come and I can't wait for it. I feel that I need to end every blog entry with a big thank you to our precious Lord and Savior for healing my Ty and showing my family how precious and short life really is. We cannot spend moments worrying about the what ifs, we have to live EVERY moment to the fullest and every day we should thank GOD for the precious gifts that he has given us. I know that is my plan now.  Thanks to everyone for the prayers and the good wishes, the gifts, the notes and cards, the phone calls, the sweet gestures, and everything else. I am truly blessed with the greatest friends and family.  We are kind of at a stand still now with Ty's healing. I may not have the time to post daily, but I will post with updates when the are available and I will continue to post stories that  amaze me about my wonderful family.

Bad day followed by good day

Well, he is keeping me somewhat busy now so I m having to do a two in one today. Lets start with yesterday.. wow what a day! Although it started out nice, Ty woke up from about a 45 minute nap at about 2:00 pm after only getting about 6 hours of sleep the night before.  I think saying that he was irritable is an absolute under statement. Combined with a steroid that makes him moody and being a normal two year old  who has basically been tied to a bed since Wednesday, we could not put him down yesterday.. he screamed, hit, cried,and everything else you could imagine. I felt completely helpless. We both tried to stay patient and not get frustrated but it became very hard. One thing that I overlooked about the whole situation is the discipline aspect. You torment yourself because you think, well I don't want to discipline him right now because of course he is upset, with good reason.. he just had brain surgery, BUT then you think, well what is going to happen when we get home? Needless to say, we choose to pamper right now and deal later. The docs finally gave him benadryl and tylenol to try to calm him down. He finally fell asleep at 7 and mommy and daddy were quickly after. Ty slept from about 7-7 and has been the happiest baby today. This morning, they clamped his drain. This means that he is hooked up to the drain but it is not being used, so he can move positions, we can play with him, hold him, etc. WOW what a difference that makes!! He hasn't stopped laughing. We also had some great friends stop by and that perked him up even more. If all goes well, we actually may get out of here by Saturday. As far as today goes, his day will soon turn sour when the IV team comes back to put one more IV in him as he is to have one more follow up MRI on his spine this evening, followed by a CT Scan tomorrow morning. What a brave little boy I have! 4 MRI's, brain surgery and a CT SCAN.. How crazy is that?  If I don't blog tonight, you will know it is because I am consoling a sweet baby boy tonight :-)

Good News

Well, it took me about 20 hours to long to write this post, but for some reason, I have been a little busy. We got the good news yesterday that the pathology came back and Ty's tumor was benign, and the original diagnosis. Praise God!I have never received better news. I can't believe that over a week ago I was stressing about his milk allergy and thought that was our biggest problem. If you know me, you know that I am the biggest worrier on the planet. I told Casey today that this should really keep my worrying in check. This proves that no matter what you worry about, it doesn't prevent it from happening, nor does it make it any easier to handle... so my CHALLENGE is to have complete and utter faith always and not worry about the uncontrollable. God always provides, as he did for us with infertility and now  our son's health. Beth Moore has quoted often about how God's plan is perfect and how true that actually is. As I think back to the previous year before we got here, I think about all the ups and downs and about how it led us here. Last year, we had 2 miscarriages, one of which was recent (October). I don't know how we would have gotten through this with a child on the way or a newborn. In February, we decided to sell our house and move to Madisonville. In doing this, we freed up a mortgage and a car payment, as well as moving to an amazing town with loads of supporting people. Lastly, before I took the job at Prosperity I was due to go to London with my mom and sister, however did not have the vacation to do this with them since I took a new job. THEY LEFT SATURDAY.  All of these things would have had some kind of burden or role in us being here, had they not happened. My point is this, so often we question why things happen, especially the bad. Well, I won't allow myself to ever question now because I know good and bad, God has a plan for everything.  I don't yet know how Ty's health fits into his plan, but it is not For me to know, just accept. I have to close today with a positive note about his improvement. He took monumental steps today at PT. He walked on his own about 5 or 6 steps and played for 30 minutes in the playroom. With the exception of balance, he is on his way to a full recovery.

Day 4, Much Improvement

Well, we started this morning off at 6, like we do every morning, with the residents coming in to check on Ty (who slept great by the way). This was a little discouraging because they said that he was still draining alot of fluid. Sometimes it tapers in a few days but sometimes it does not.. if it doesn't, they would have to go in and put in a shunt. Although, this is more of an annoyance than anything, I just really don't want to put him through anything else. Kids eventually grow out of them, so they have to be replaced. Playing sports would probably not happen as well if he has a shunt, which I think broke Casey's heart. I decided that I was not oging to allow myself to get down about this, because again, if this is the worse we have to deal with then we will deal. However, Ty's Neuro Surgeon came in and basically said "Don't listen to those guys" he has only been out of surgery for 4 days and he will avoid a shunt at all costs. I guess we will just take it day by day and see how that goes.
After I took a much needed cuddling nap with my little miracle, I had some great friends come by today and both got to see some great improvement with Ty while  the PT and OT.  (When I say PT, I am referring to Physical Therapist and OT, Occupational) First, the  PT came by and had us walk Ty to the play area. Now, this was while he was sleeping, so as you could guess, he was very opposed at first. ( My only complaint is there is no set schedule, so we are not always ready for them when they come in) He wouldn't really walk to the play room but when we got there his eyes lit up and away he went. Now balance is still very much an issue, but he improved drastically. For me, I have to remind myself to hold onto him when he is walking, which is very hard because he has been doing it for so long.  Although he was still somewhat clingy during this, we gave him the option of taking some walking toys back with him and he decided he wanted them all. He pushed a truck all the way back to his room while holding my hand. The interaction with the OT was pretty much the same, however, there was no hesitation from him. His confidence had defnitely increased. His balance was still slightly off, (below his confidence even) so he was trying to go a little faster than he is capable of at this point, but I love to see his go getter attitude. It is funny to see how each day brings a totally different challenge. Yesterday, our challenge was getting him out of the bed and today our challenge is keeping him in the bed.  I probably should have explained this yesterday, but since he has a drain, he needs to be sitting or lying down in the same spot. If he moves slightly, no big deal, but if he moves more than slightly, he has to be readjusted... this makes him very irritable because he wants to be held, lay down on us, get up, etc. Also, the more he screams and cries, the more he drains fluid .. We just have to take it day by day. All of the doctors talk about how excellent he is doing, which is such positive feedback for sure.

Day 3 Continued...improvement

Okay, well besides the major fit he just threw and refusal to lay down by himself in bed, this evening was definitely better. As I mentioned in my first post, Casey and I were going to have some one on one time working with Ty, which is exactly what we did. We sat on the floor with him and played. At first he wasn't interested at all and just laid there on Daddy, but after a few minutes started to have some fun. We let him hit and kick some balloons, which he did remarkably well, as well as some additional playing.. throwing a ball (YES) and some coloring. He then decided he wanted to take a break. He asked for his favorite drink, a root beer, so I decided to use this as bribery. I made him walk to it and that he did. Granted, it was wabbly and only 4 steps, but he did it several times and smiled while he did it. I definitely see improvement and look for a better day tomorrow. His personality, aside from a few meltdowns (possibly due to the steroids they have him own) and definitely from all the equipment hooked up to him, is still definitely in tact. He is still my Ty Ty and still the funniest most adorable boy I know.

Day 3 post brain surgery

Well, this weekend was a wonderful weekend, considering. I had to remind myself occasionally that Ty had brain surgery. He played and laughed and did so well (all in bed of course) 6:00 am arrived Monday morning and the crazy day started. First we had the residents in, followed by oncology (just to tell us still no pathology results) followed by occupational therapy, internal medicine and then Physical therapy. I think I was so spoiled by the doctors telling me how great Ty was doing, I expected him to breeze right through OT and PT, but that was not necessarily the case. OT got him out of the bed. He moved his arms and legs, but cried the whole time... not necessarily from pain, but from fear. As a mother, I don't know which is worse. They got him, rather forced him, to walk to his daddy, which was about 5 steps while they held his hand... this was very hard to watch. My 2 1/2 yr old who was just running at his nana and papa's house is now holding someone's hand to take 5 steps. Again, I feel that this is due to fear and not can't do. The PT results were basically the same, although, this time, the 4 steps were by himself. After they left, he was allowed to sit in my lap and play, which was a nice change. However, after sitting in my lap, it took a long time to get him to go back in his bed to lay on his own.  We were told that we could work with him on our own at night for 30 minutes at a time, so I definitely think with just mommy and daddy there, he will be more apt to do what he is capable of doing. As I sit here writing this, I weep a little, wondering how all of this has happened, but then I remember how absolutely perfect GOD is and that if my only struggle is to get him to walk and play like a toddler again, then I am truly blessed.  We have been surrounded by friends, family, a fabulous medical team, and our almighty GOD and they have not left our side. Although, I feel I should be stronger at times, I could not have been so strong without any of these people. I think my posts will continually show progress and I can't wait until this blog turns into a personal blog about Casey, Ty and I and our lives and that is it. Granted, we will have our occasional MRI's and mommy's all the time worry, but we won't always have this struggle, that I believe.  I know that "With God, All Things Are Possible" and I have the greatest example laying in the bed sleeping..