Just thoughts

As I mentioned earlier in my blog, Casey and I moved to Madisonville in the middle of last year. I took a new job and we left our life in Bryan to begin a new life in Madisonville. I was so very nervous at first. I didn't know where that would lead us but I told myself that God had presented us with so many opportunities that I knew he was speaking to us and telling us to make this move. WOW, what an incredible decision it has been. This town is amazing and the people we have met, friends we have made (new and old) are incredible. I was just visiting with one today about similar circumstances our sons have gone through and it was such a blessing to be able to talk to someone about my feelings through all of this. We spoke of how God puts people in your life for a reason, and man how that rings true. It is so good to be able to express your feelings to someone who knows what you have been through, or similar. Don't get me wrong, I am so completely happy and I couldn't have asked for a better outcome, as I have said before. But, yes, there are days I cry and there are days I still worry. My little boy went through such a tramatic experience and it could have gone so differently. He will always have to have MRI's and his mommy will probably always worry every time he has a headache. I don't want him to have to go through those MRI's and I don't want to be a hovering mom. Someone told me Easter weekend that I was hovering and although he didn't mean to make me feel bad, it did. How do you not hover when earlier in the day, Ty took a tumble down a step and landed where??? Right on his head!! He was fine, of course, but at that moment, fear came over me. Even though it doesn't seem like it though, it  has only been a month and still very fresh in my head. I know that in time, I will learn to let him be a boy. God will take care of him as he did on March 18th. There is an organization called the PLGA foundation. It helps research and fund pilocytic low grade astercytomas. It is one of the leasts researched tumors because it is considered low grade and benign. When I read some of the kids stories on here, I know how much God took care of him. We are so truly truly blessed. I can't say it enough and I won't stop saying it. I feel it every day. I look at life so differently now and I know just how very short it is. I know this blog was kind of all over the place, but I guess talking to my friend today kind of made me do some thinking :-)

Feeling better

Well, I am feeling better now. I talked to the nurse today for Ty's neuro and she assured me that his pain seemed to be part of the healing process, scar tissure, nerves, etc  or just itching in general. He has done so well that I have to remind myself that he had BRAIN surgery and he may very well have pain from time to time. I can't worry every time. I have definitely been reminded today, however. Once I got off the phone with the nurse, she reminded me of appts that had to be scheduled. On June 21st he will go back for his first follow up MRI, followed by and appt with the Neurologist (Dr. Dauser) followed by a "Protocol" appt with Oncology. This is just standard of brain tumors. He needed to have it done already, but they couldn't get it scheduled and since the tumor was benign, the oncologist agreed to reschedule. When talking to the nurse we also discovered that he was suppose to see an opthamologist and he never did, so hince, another appt we need to schedule, possibly. Oh, my poor little man. Although I am glad for the recurrent checks, I hate that he has to go through the MRI procedures again. I wish I could make it easier on him or switch places with him.. Anyway, my stressful day is almost over and then I can go kiss my sweet boy!

Frustration

Well, today is not a very great day for me. I am somewhat frustrated, and I know I shouldn't.  This morning started off great, Ty was in an outstanding mood. Then right when we were leaving, he grabbed the back of his head and said, hold me mommy. When I grabbed him, I said does your head hurt and he said no, it's all better. Then he told me one other time it hurt but then it was better. He didn't act like he was in pain at all, but I felt the need to call the doctor and let them know. My heart is telling me that it is probably just itching or healing and whatever he felt, hurt. He had a CT scan only 23 days ago and everything looked great, so I know there is nothing there. I hate that he is only 2 1/2 and has to go through this because everything is a guessing game. He can't tell me whatever it is that he felt this morning.. He doesn't know the difference between itching, hurting, burning, etc. All he knows is something bothered him, however it may be. I try not to worry, but how am I suppose to not worry. His recovery was amazing, we couldn't have asked for more. Because of this, I get nervous that sometimes he over does it, but how do you slow a 2 yr old down? Again, I wonder how we got here, but I can't ask that, I just have to have faith that it is over and although there will be struggles from time to time, we will get through it. We have gotten through the hardest part and God got us through it. Tomorrow is a new day and should be a better day. I have to remember that although the doctors say he should have any more pain, he is only 2. Unless you have had one removed yourself, there is no way to know what he is feeling inside when his head is healing. It very well may hurt sometimes, and I need to know that is okay.

Easter

Happy Easter to everyone! I hope you had as wonderful of a holiday as I did. Easter is always so big for my family, as it should be. I look forward to it every year and I especially looked forward to it this year. Ty is older now and seems to be quite good at hunting Easter eggs!! Hee hee! I think he had a great weekend though, seriously. On Friday, my parents came to stay with us and we took Ty to a small carnival that was here in town, his first carnival actually. He had a great time, but would NOT try the cotton candy, which apalls me!! How can you not want to try cotton candy??? He rode a few rides, which made me realize how big he is getting. Saturday morning we headed to my aunt's house in Grapeland and wow, what a blast he had. He rode his bike, played with water guns, played in the sprinklers and then got to Easter Egg Hunt. He fortunately got loads of candy. I am sarcastic when I say forunately! About 6:30 he was on an obvious sugar high making everyone laugh at him and then by 10, he completely crashed. Sunday was more of the same, but different family. We stayed home and went to church Sunday morning and then headed out to my inlaws house to eat, dye Easter eggs and have one more hunt. Again, he had a blast. He especially enjoyed dying the Easter eggs, which I was nervous about, but he did great. He asked me about Easter egg hunting yesterday, so I think he thinks it will be a regular occurance. In 2 weeks, we will be taking him to the circus, which I think he will really enjoy. As I mentioned earlier, I think this age is so much fun. You can really start to see how much they are growing up and watch them enjoy themselves in certain situations, if not ALL situations.  On a medical note, Ty has gained 2 and a half  lbs since his last Doctor's appointment, which is outstanding! Here is another story for you that I may not have mentioned. Ty's doctor has been concerned about his weight since he was born. Although, he grows and does NOT in any way look like a "Failure to thrive" baby, the Dr. thought he should be gaining weight more frequently. Last year he ran several test and that is when we discovered the milk allergy, unfortunately we had already gotten adnoids out, which might have been prevented had we discovered sooner. About 6 months went by and Ty gained maybe 1 pound by October. When he went to the Dr this final time, he was still concerned about his weight because he was not gaining. Along with the MRI and the allergist, he wanted him to see a Gastro to to see if the had Reflux... WOW, lots to take in that day. Anyway, once the tumor was discovered, I spoke to my pedi and he said we would hold off with the gastro because the tumor may have been the cause of everything. Well, seems like it was because Ty is at his heaviest and eats NONSTOP!! Praise God. He picked at his dinner often and did not eat much breakfast for me, come to think of it, he didn't snack near as much either. I think he just overall felt bad. My poor baby!  Well, I think that is all for today. Don't be surprised it my next blog is about the financial aspect of all of this because insurance seems to be the new focus, yippy! Although, this is by far the BEST money I have ever spent, you can't put a price on it, so I really find it difficult to complain to much about the medical costs.

Backtracking to before surgery...

I decided in reading my blogs, that unless you know me well, you probably don't know how we got to the point of an MRI, so I thought I would share the story. That way maybe one day, our story may benefit someone else. One day in January, Ty got put in time out. He was not in there long screaming when he came out telling me that he bumped his head, which I didn't witness but didn't think he did. He sat in my lap and begged me to rub his head for at least 30 minutes, which I thought was strange. Me, being the worrier that I am, decided that he had a headache and suggested it to Casey. At the time, I do realize this was somewhat irriational, but I believe now, it was the truth. People would laugh and start asking him if he had a headache, so soon after he started complaining of a headache. There are two things to point out though, he NEVER did it at daycare and did it mainly around his mommy. He also did it quite frequently when throwing a fit. I decided to take him to the doctor and let him check it out. During the appt, he asked for a sucker and when he was told no, he threw a huge fit and grabbed his head screaming. The doctor witnessed this. I, again being the worrier that I am, asked him with scared eyes about a tumor, which he said, 98% no; there just weren't enough signs, but we will keep watching. He suspected, as did others, that he was doing this for sympathy. This continued for 3 months and I was constantly told not to worry, he was somewhat playing me. I still saw things that others did not see, like him grabbing his head while he was playing and saying "ouch"! It started to progress around the time he got some ear infections, so at that time, it was shrugged off again. Finally, in March, he grabbed it and cried at daycare. I rushed him back to doctor, however, this time the ENT. The ENT suggested it was his molars and sent us on our way. Within a week or so, Ty began to feel sick. His mood changed, he threw up, and became very tired. Several tests were run, including allergy (thank goodness that I have a great doctor ) Last yr Ty was diagnosed with a "Mild" milk allergy, however, the allergist said that it was severe and he had chronic sinitus because he has still had some milk products. That day, we actually had some peace thinking maybe we had found the problem. 2 days later, however, he went to his MRI that was already scheduled and that is when our world changed. I write this because I want every mother to know that you're instinct is REAL! If you feel that your baby is sick or not himself, then don't ever be afraid to check it out, the best that could happen is that you would be wrong and he would be fine!

Funny Conversations

I think that Ty's age has to be one of, if not the, funnest age there is. The things he says every day make me laugh so hard and also amaze me. Some of the things, of course, not so nice, HA HA! I have been trying to bring up God or Jesus in our conversations more and more, and I laugh as I listen to how he tries to get it, but how confused he is. Our first conversation was a few weeks ago when I asked him if he knew who watched over him at night in his bed and he said, so positively, yes...Buzz Lightyear! HA HA HA.. I couldn't help but laugh and had to agree, but then explained that I was talking about Jesus. Yesterday, I was trying to teach him the meaning of Easter during 2 different conversations. The first one, I explained that we celebrate Christmas because Christ was born and we celebrate Easter because Jesus died and rose again (which I laugh at myself while I do this, because I know he doesn't get it) I just try to be repetitive. I told him how wonderful Jesus is and that he healed Ty's head and he said... No, I went to Dr and Dr made my head better :-) How do you compete with a 2 yr old who is smart enough to know what is going on? I tried to explain that Jesus was there with the doctors, but then decided he may be a little young to get it, to say the least. However, I did try one more time last night and was informed that Easter means a bunny hop hop hop! Oh how I love these funny conversations!  I am so very excited about this weekend though. Easter is such a wonderful holiday and for my family it is a very big holiday with a very big gathering. I can't wait to parade my healed 2 year old in front of my family and let them get that feeling of amazement that I have every day.I also look forward to spending our first Easter in our new church here in Madisonville that we love. What a great weekend we have planned and it is almost here. Spring is absolutely the best time of year, so I hope to have many many posts of all the fun things we will be doing. In 2 weeks, we will be taking Ty to his first circus! We are doing our part to live life to the absolute fullest! Happy Easter everyone and may God Bless you during your travels !

Time Flies..

Well, it has been one month since Ty's miraculous surgery. WOW! I seriously can't believe it, although, with his recovery, it almost feels like ages ago. We got the recovery that we prayed so desperately for and every day it becomes more and more of a distant memory, with the exception of the little things, like our incident on Sunday. Sometimes I just watch him. I watch him play, I listen to him talk, I watch him sleep, I watch him all the time and I am just so amazed at how blessed Casey and I truly are. We are now just focusing on the normal things that parents deal with, like POTTY TRAINING! Ughhh.. oh how I wish this phase could be avoided and he could just do it all on his own.. We are definitely having difficulties with this one! I think you need a parenting lesson all in itself on this one, especially with boys.. like you have to point it down and in the potty!! Lets just say, I will need to wash the bathroom rugs and mop tonight. But, oh how I enjoy these fabulous moments!! My Ty 3 months ago use to wake up in the morning very upset. He would cry all morning and want to be held, making it very difficult to get dressed. He would come home at night and cry and throw fits through a large portion of the night and I would frequently cook while holding him. Now, he wakes up so very very happy and comes home happy. Fits seem to also be a distant memory. Now, we are just a little mischevious, which makes me smile. I knew I would have a mischevious child because, to put it mildly, my husband was slightly mischevious. Well, I think that about ends it for tonight. I have to go pick up my precious angel, but again, I have to say, God is so very Good.

Boys will be Boys, but I kind of would like mine to wear a permanent helmet

It has been one month exactly since the surgery and we had our first scare last night! Arghh!! I even fell off my nonworrying wagon! Ty had a fabulous day yesterday. He played outside, drove the toy gator (with a helmet) and then got to play with his BFF, his cousin Dean. Well, as much as I would like to shelter him away from being rowdy, it is very difficult to do that to a 2 yr old. Needless, to say, the boys got a little rowdy and there was an incident. Ty cried and said he bumped his head, but not seeing the entire thing, I didn't know where. I checked him out immediately and he was good. Sure enough, got him home and in the bath and Casey called me in there... "Not to freak you out honey, but has that bump always been on his scar?" WHAT??? Talk about a major panic!! I was ready to head to the ER, but I got my sanity in check and decided to call the on call neuro instead. After a series of questions, sounds like a normal kid bump, which Ty did tell me that is where he hit Dean. I don't know that this completely convinced me, but I accepted it. Thankfully, this morning, the bump is ALMOST gone. Praise the Lord. As much as I would like that fear to go away towards his head, I think it is a little soon to expect it.  I don't, however, want him to live in a box. The doctor said to let him be a boy, and that is what I want to do. Bless his heart, he has already dealt with so much! First, he is allergic to milk, so he always gets to eat different things than his friends and kids. He can't go to fun places like Gattiland, etc..and now, he just had major brain surgery! I want him to live as normal life as possible now, but I want him to be safe, which is no different than any other mom, I know. Maybe I needed last night's incident to know he was going to be okay if he got a bump; another one of life's lessons, I guess.

Playing, playing, playing

It will be a short blog today, but I had to write about our night last night. Every night, we get home from daycare, go inside, I start cooking and he plays the WII, or as he calls it, the Wheel. It is a Pixar Cars game, that he can kind of play, but not so much. It just entertains him while I throw dinner together. After dinner, comes play time with Mommy. This has started to be a regular occurance. I have repeatedly tried to move this into the living room so I can spend time with both boys, but I am not too successful. Last night, we decided to move on from the cars and play with puzzles, you know the wooden ones with shapes and other fun stuff. He got several during his stay at TCH. As I sat there and watched him put together puzzle after puzzle, one of them being an alphabet puzzle that is somewhat hard, I am completely amazed. Less than a month ago, we were sitting at TCH, listening to the Doctors tell us what could happen; loss of motor skills, use of right side, talking, and so on.. and now, here he sits, as if nothing happened, in fact more advanced than when we brought him to TCH. How can someone witness something like that and not see how powerful and almighty our Lord and Savior is? It is something that I will never understand, because I for one, have learned to put my complete Faith in him, because I know, with all my heart, that he has a plan for me and all of my family. I get so excited when I think about it now! I lived so much of my life in fear and now, I live every day excited with energy about what is to come. I know that I said eventually my posts would not just be about Ty and his healing, especially since he is healed, but right now, I can't help but to shout about how wonderful he is doing and what a miracle he is!! If you haven't done it yet today, go kiss your child / children and Thank God for them! Have a blessed day.

The Weekend

Well, we had an absolutely wonderful weekend, full of playing and laughter, another reminder of how great God is. Saturday we played outside all day.. he mowed the lawn with his daddy, rode his car, got to see his friends Tiffany and Landry, and then got to see his 97 year old Great Granny Saturday night. Sunday, we headed back to church, which was great. All the ladies in the nursery have really missed Ty. Then Sunday afternoon was more of the same. Ty played in the sprinkler and "Got Dirty" as he put it.. I love it! We had so much fun. I still watch him in amazement. Friday night, I went with a dear friend and my sister, to see Mercy Me! What an awesome night of Praise and Worship. Natalie Grant was the opening act. She sang her song "Held", which I could never listen too because it is about losing a child. I wept the entire song on Friday. I told my sister I wasn't sure why, but I think it was relief; relief of what could have happened. Sunday, we spoke in Sunday school about having faith and keeping it during tragedy. Another moment of tears for me, but a very good lesson. I long for the day that I don't relive it in my head, that I don't think about what I could have done differently, but I know it will come and I know that I did do everything I could have done to get him to TCH. Well, I think I am signing off for the day. I have to end with a big thanks to our lord and savior for a wonderful weekend with my husband and our miracle.

Clean Bill of Health

Well, Ty went back to the doctor on Monday to get a final CT Scan. The doctors say that he is looking good. He will be going back to daycare on Thursday, so we shall return to normalcy. I am very ready for normalcy. As I look back from 2010 to present, we have been faced with many challenges. In February of last year, we had our 2nd miscarriage and D & C.  In July, I left a wonderful job with outstanding friends and took a new job in a new town. We are very happy here though and excited about our decision. Just as things settled, we decided to try again for a 2nd child in September. Unfortunately, this ended again in miscarriage. This was a very difficult time because I first miscarried on my own and then there was a second embryo discovered as well (a twin) that was removed by D&C. We were then faced with the decision of do we stop or continue....I think we now have made that decision. We feel that we have such a miracle with Ty. He took us 2 yrs, SEVERAL surgeries and infertility treatments to have and now has survived brain surgery. Our family is so very perfect just as it is and we want this year to be about him and healing. It is time to put the past behind us and move on with our life because what a life it is. I still thank GOD every day for the perfect gifts he has given me. Thank you for allowing me to pour out my thoughs and prayers.

As days go by

Howdy Friends,
  First let me start with a big Gig'em Ags!! Congrats to the Lady Ags! Not alot happening around the Dean house except for keeping up with my little toddler with his new energy and very enhanced communication skills. I am not sure why, possibly due to the tumor, but my little 2 year old talks better than he ever has before. Some of the biggest reasons for fits before (other than the tumor) were due to lack of communication, he had trouble telling me what he wanted.  NOW, lets just say he has no problems.. hee hee. I went back to work on Friday, that was very hard needless to say, but life must go on. This may be my shortest blog ever, but one final thought that occurred to me last night.. Casey and I both had horrible headaches last night, normal headaches, but still bad, and I looked at Casey and said, can you imagine (and Casey finished my sentence with ) what Ty's headaches felt like with a tumor?? I try not to think about it or dwell upon it that much, but for that moment, my heart ached for him and I realized yet again, what a brave boy I have and how wonderful God is. My sister sent me a very appropriate scripture that fits our situation to a T.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified
because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

I made a promise earlier on to not worry anymore and just have Faith, and I can tell you, so far, I have had no problems. My Faith is so much stronger now and I know that someone so much more powerful has is in complete control and he will provide.