13 days and counting...

Well, we are back from our vacation. We had a fabulous time but we are very exhausted. We were so very glad to see Ty when we got home. We went to pick him up first thing, because I knew I didn't want to wait until the morning. He was asleep on the floor at his nana's and I picked him up.. he opened his groggy eyes and put his head down, then shot it back up, looked at me and gave me the biggest smile ever saying "I missed you mommy". Absolutely priceless.... I stayed home with him Tuesday and we had such a good time just cuddling and watching TV. He asked me on numerous occasions when we were going on a trip with him. It made me kind of sad because I knew the next trip would be straight to Houston, Texas Children's, which is now right around the corner. Being prepared for this surgery has it pros, but it definitely has its cons. With the last surgery, of course, we didn't have any clothes, nothing to do during down time, no time to let it soak in, etc... but we also didn't have time to dwell or worry or think. Everything happened so fast that the surgery came and went before we even knew it. This one seems like an eternity away. I am glad I can prepare for it, but I also can't stop thinking about it. I think I have treated it in my head like a minor surgery, because it is minor compared to his first, but when I truly sit down and think about that he is going back in for brain surgery, it breaks my heart. I know God will take care of him, like he did in the past, but noone wants to see their child go through this. Any mother would wish that they could take the tumor away from their child. I find myself having a few more break downs as we get closer to the surgery, just moments of tears and frustration. I am not frustrated with God by any means, I know this is part of his glorious plan. I am just frustrated that I feel so helpless and frustrated that we were so close to putting this behind us that we have to start all over again. I am so ready for August 3rd so we can try, AGAIN, to put this behind us and move forward. I pray that we go to the MRI on the 2nd and that there is no tumor, that we get to walk away from Texas Children's and let Ty go on a better trip :-) If not, then I pray that God has his hands on him and all of the doctors on the 3rd and that this surgery is even more of a success than the first and that recovery is even better than the first and that from that point on, life will begin without a tumor controlling our life and feelings. It is in your precious name that I pray, Amen.