Followup

Well, it's getting to be that time again. Check up's check up's check up's!! In fact, this is a busy week, so I have lots to blog about. First I will open with a prayer request. On Tuesday we go back for Ty's first MRI since his last surgery in August. In my heart I know everything will be fine, but I just need to hear the doctor say this so I can start to put this behind me, as I mentioned in my last blog. I am ready to move on and move forward, but I need to hear the words " he is healed" at least one more time, if not 10000 times. I just pray that this will be the case and that the entire tumor is completely gone, no remains...please God give us this reassurance. My little monkey told me this morning, after he was telling me he wanted to stay home, that his head hurt!! Oh please don't let him start using this as an out!! No more headaches. For the first time however, I truly believed this time was for attention. It was ironic however because of where my thoughts were last night. Casey teaches several outdoor classes and there are certain times of year that he takes trips on the weekends with his class, this weekend being one of them. As he was packing, I thought back to his last trip in late February. At that point, Ty was complaining of a headache every day, however, with no other signs recognizable to anyone other than me, everone believed he was "faking".  I dreaded Casey leaving. Me being with him the entire weekend meant he was going to complain of a headache all weekend and I was going to be full of worry because that is what he did when he was with me. I went to College Station to be with my sister and the kids and on Friday night, my parents were out of town, so I decided to stay at their house and we decided to have a sleepover with the kids. Ty and Cole and I slept in mom and dad's bed. About 3 in the morning, Ty woke up screaming for his cousin Emma. I took him in the other room to settle him down and then he began grabbing his head repeatedly crying that his head was hurting. (Whether the screaming was making his head hurt or he was screaming because it hurt, I'll never know) I was crying out of frustration trying to get him to calm down, yet angry that he was not obeying me. After about 2 hours he finally went to sleep, but I remember being so frustrated. The next morning we woke up and Ty woke up in a good mood because we were all going to the park, however, that ended quickly though. Before we left, he was very tired and his head hurt again. By the time we got to the park, he perked up, but looking back, not himself.  Same song and dance the remaining weekend. Looking back on it, I have so much guilt that I didn't just take him right then and demand an MRI, but I told myself that I was wrong and everyone else was right. I cried last night for the first time in a long time thinking about it because it really was such a bad weekend and I still feel guilty, however, it wasn't long after that the tumor was discovered.  Sunday will be his 3rd birthday and I have never been more excited about anything in my life. We are so truly blessed to have him and even more blessed that we are able to celebrate his 3rd year of life. You never truly realize how precious life is until something like this hits you right in the face. Everything happens for a reason and God has such a perfect plan for our life and I am embracing life so much more now than ever before because it is just too short to live it in fear and worry. Thank you God for all of your many blessings and thank you for your mighty power.

October is around the corner

Well, I don't blog much anymore or at least I haven't in awhile. Ty is doing so wonderful and healthy, but that alone should be the reason I blog more frequently. He keeps me very busy. If I had a dime for every time someone passed us in public and said "wow you have a busy son" I would be rich... HEE HEE!!  His activity level is such a blessing though. It just proves what a true miracle he is. He turns 3 on the 9th and I just can't believe it. What a year we have had.. he definitely is the bravest 3 year old I know. 2 days after his birthday we head to Texas Children's for our first follow up MRI since brain surgery number 2. I am very anxious. Although I hate seeing him get sedated and hate that he has to be scared, I have complete faith that the doctors report will be positive and that I can start to slowly put this behind me. I want his 3rd year of life to be the best year ever. He deserves it so very much. People say he won't remember and I pray that he won't. I wish that I couldn't but then again what a blessing it is to experience one of God's miracles first hand. That's how I have to look at this now. We are studying Revelation right now in our Wednesday night bible study, and last week we spoke of letting go; letting go of that thing that has a hold of us. It truly touched my heart and I left that night deciding that I needed to move forward and begin to put this behind me. I realized that it keeps me from enjoying the true blessings in life because I spend every minute worrying about him when I should spend every minute rejoicing and thanking God that he healed my precious child.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength"
Phillippians 4:13

Peaceful Family

Hello all,
 As you can tell, my blogs are getting few and far between. Mainly because life is doing just what I had hoped, settling down.... Ty is turning in to a little boy more and more every day. I can't believe in less than a month, he will be 3. Every morning he makes me leave him alone as he picks out his clothes and dresses himself. I usually have to negoiate to get him to change shorts or shirts to match.. hee hee. We started off the week sad though. Our dog that we have had for 6 years (Casey's and my first child, hee hee) Truman was killed by a car; he was a miniatrue schnauzer. Ty wanted to go outside and play, so we came out the back and Truman ran out of the gate. Since he minds well and stays in the yard, I left him out. Ty and I were sitting in the driveway and Casey was working in the yard when Truman ran across the street to check something out. Casey looked up and called him back home before he saw the car coming. Being the obedient dog that he was, he came immediately and ran right in front of the car. As I scream in the yard with tears pouring out of my eyes, I look back to see Ty and he had big tears coming out of his eyes. He knew exactly what had happened. It broke my heart. He asked all night where Truman was and my other poor dog moped around the house. It was very difficult to explain to a 3 yr old what had happened, so we did what any irrational parent would do and bought him a new puppy, GG, a 9 week old chocolate lab and my sweet boys new best friend. He adores her and he is helping with her around the house; scolding her when she does wrong and letting her out. It is very cute. Our dog Dexter is still not sure what to think, but he will come around. On a totally different subject, we have started to give Ty milk again and he has done fabulous! I never thought I would be so excited to be able to give my child milk, but the thought of expanding his meals and our meals, is so wonderful!! Last night when we got home, Ty and I let GG out and he wanted to follow her. As soon as we got outside, he started playing, so I decided to let him play for a while. There was a cool brisk in the air finally. As I sat there and watched him run around chasing GG and Dexter, dig in the dirt, and try to climb the fence, I had an overwhelming since of peace come over me. We spent last year overcoming so many challenges, with him alone, and for once, I finally felt like everything was going to be okay. This is our year and it's going to be fabulous. God is great and I thank him everyday for the opportunity to serve as a wife to Casey and a mother to Ty. This is it! This is our year, praise God.

Heavy heart

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged. Last week was a not so nice week. My Ty got his first cold of the season, including a swollen gland that had me freaking out of course. He seems better, although that gland that Casey and the Dr say is not swollen still concerns me.. how silly am I? Worrying again!! God, please forgive me for that. Mom and I took him shopping yesterday and I am not sure why I forget that you should never take an almost 3 yr old WILD little boy shopping, but I do, EVERY TIME! Hee hee..

I titled my blog heavy heart because I do have a heavy heart, but not about my life right now, but about all of my surrounding friends that are surrounded by wild fires. They are everywhere and so devastating and so close to home. Please heavenly father, give us rain, lots and lots of rain. Please keep your hands on these fire fighters and all of the family's involved. In your precious name, I pray.

Now, last, but not least, my 5 things that made me smile

1. Shopping with my mom, cousin and Ty yesterday and all the laughter we received from Ty telling me "I'm MAD" at least 10 times

2. Eating dinner with my entire family last night

3. Getting to visit with cousins, their children and my aunt this weekend.

4. Ty telling me in the convenient store, "I am going to get skittles, that will be great won't it? " LOL!!

5. Ty spilling a cup of water and telling me "There is too much stuff on this table MOMMY" Already knowing how to place the blame on others!

5 things that made me smile

So, one of the blogs I follow on my blog is my sisters... www.mannafaith.blogspot.com . It is a wonderful, spiritual blog that I enjoy reading. One thing she has is a list of 5 things that bring her joy. I started thinking about how so much of my blog reflects upon the trials that the Deans have gone through as a family, but what I so often neglect are the things that make me smile daily. So, I am stealing this from her. I am going to post weekly a blog about 5 things that have made me smile and I know there are about 100 more, but I don't have enough time for all of them. So, in absolutely no particular order, here are 5 things that made me smile this week...

1. Watching Ty playng happily with his cousins, nana and papa this weekend (dancing on the WII, sleepover, etc)
2. Watching Ty ride his bicycle last night on the first somewhat bearable night that we have had.
3. Enjoying lunch with my 2 favorite guys every day last week.
4. Laying on the couch yesterday with Ty and snuggling for the first 30 minutes we had of the weekend
5. Ty begging me to watch TV and fall asleep in our bed last night and telling me that he saved a spot for me... who can say no to that? Then his daddy coming in to the room and joining us...

Accepting God's Gifts

Well, Ty is home now and doing fabulous. There was a little fluid built up behind his scar, which the Dr. said should go away, and after a few days, it seems that it has. He is just doing fabulous. I am still very overwhelmed with feelings, I believe. I still can't believe that it is over (with the exceptions of MRI's). I believe, going forward, the toughest challenge is accepting that. Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart that God has given us such an amazing gift by healing our precious Ty. But as a mom, it is so easy to worry about your child, because we love them so very much. This is what I am struggling with; worrying about him every minute, worrying that it will come back or something will come up. Maybe it is because we walked away in March thinking it was over and then went back. I don't know. I know in time, he will continue to get better and I will continue to get stronger. I do believe I am a different person and a much stronger person than I was 6 months ago, but I feel like right now, I am waiting for another challenge to be thrown our way and I know I should not be doing that. I think, part of God's plan, was to have me walk with him in all aspects of life and to stop living life through worry and fear, and I do believe I am doing that now, but I do stumble sometimes and I still fear sometimes. I think when I write, it reminds me to not do this and it helps me to get rid of that fear, if that makes any sense. Well, I am rambling now... On another note, please pray for a dear friend of mine right now that is pregnant. She has miscarried in the past and has the fears of a repeat..

Great News

Well, as I have been saying, God is good ALL the time, so very good. Ty had his second surgery yesterday to remove the piece of tumor. The surgery was quite a bit longer and he has been a little more tired, but the great news is that the MRI came back clear!!!! YAHOOO!!! I hate to say that I am still trying to convince myself that this too GOOD to be TRUE news is really that Good. I don't know why I am having a hard time, but I guess because we walked away the first time thinking that it was completely over and here we are. However, I know that the circumstances are definitely different. It is just one of those things that you hear about that is so very scary. I can't even say it outloud sometime without freaking out.. a brain tumor!!! How is that possible??? And now I  say my child had a brain tumor and is cured.. I guess right now the news is so surreal and incredible that I am letting it soak in. I am wanting my normalcy so very bad, so very bad that I have planned his birthday party already in October.  I am listening to him breath while he sleeps right now so peacefully and I am praying that that peacefulness will remain. His 2nd year of life was so rough, that I want his 3rd year to be the best year of our life. I want to spoil him so badley and not  care what anyone else thinks.. HA! In reality, I know I still have to treat him like a 3 yr old, but I will definitely spoil him the first half. Well, it is time to go sleep next to my little bed here in the ICU while I send my poor husband out to the waiting room to get some shut eye... sigh... maybe we will get a room tomorrow and get my little man to perk up.