Accepting God's Gifts

Well, Ty is home now and doing fabulous. There was a little fluid built up behind his scar, which the Dr. said should go away, and after a few days, it seems that it has. He is just doing fabulous. I am still very overwhelmed with feelings, I believe. I still can't believe that it is over (with the exceptions of MRI's). I believe, going forward, the toughest challenge is accepting that. Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart that God has given us such an amazing gift by healing our precious Ty. But as a mom, it is so easy to worry about your child, because we love them so very much. This is what I am struggling with; worrying about him every minute, worrying that it will come back or something will come up. Maybe it is because we walked away in March thinking it was over and then went back. I don't know. I know in time, he will continue to get better and I will continue to get stronger. I do believe I am a different person and a much stronger person than I was 6 months ago, but I feel like right now, I am waiting for another challenge to be thrown our way and I know I should not be doing that. I think, part of God's plan, was to have me walk with him in all aspects of life and to stop living life through worry and fear, and I do believe I am doing that now, but I do stumble sometimes and I still fear sometimes. I think when I write, it reminds me to not do this and it helps me to get rid of that fear, if that makes any sense. Well, I am rambling now... On another note, please pray for a dear friend of mine right now that is pregnant. She has miscarried in the past and has the fears of a repeat..

Great News

Well, as I have been saying, God is good ALL the time, so very good. Ty had his second surgery yesterday to remove the piece of tumor. The surgery was quite a bit longer and he has been a little more tired, but the great news is that the MRI came back clear!!!! YAHOOO!!! I hate to say that I am still trying to convince myself that this too GOOD to be TRUE news is really that Good. I don't know why I am having a hard time, but I guess because we walked away the first time thinking that it was completely over and here we are. However, I know that the circumstances are definitely different. It is just one of those things that you hear about that is so very scary. I can't even say it outloud sometime without freaking out.. a brain tumor!!! How is that possible??? And now I  say my child had a brain tumor and is cured.. I guess right now the news is so surreal and incredible that I am letting it soak in. I am wanting my normalcy so very bad, so very bad that I have planned his birthday party already in October.  I am listening to him breath while he sleeps right now so peacefully and I am praying that that peacefulness will remain. His 2nd year of life was so rough, that I want his 3rd year to be the best year of our life. I want to spoil him so badley and not  care what anyone else thinks.. HA! In reality, I know I still have to treat him like a 3 yr old, but I will definitely spoil him the first half. Well, it is time to go sleep next to my little bed here in the ICU while I send my poor husband out to the waiting room to get some shut eye... sigh... maybe we will get a room tomorrow and get my little man to perk up.

Well, I don't have any words of wisdom today. This week is our big week. Surgery number 2, series of MRI's, hospital stay... etc.. Ty is anxiously packing for our "Trip" and although he told me he knew where we were going, I don't think he understands. Writing today may bring tears to my eyes, so I am not going too. Instead I am going to post lyrics to mine and Ty's favorite song. My wonderful 3 year old knows these lyrics and belts them out! How powerful is that!! God will take care of him this week because "Our God is higher than any other"...

Our God, by Chris Tomlin...

Water You turned into wine
Open the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You

CHORUS
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

Into the darkness you shining
Out of the ashes we Rise
There’s no One like You
None like You.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

BRIDGE
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who can ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

When can my almost 3 yr old just be a 3 yr old

Well, I got the phone call today, the first one since Ty's surgery. Ms Connie called to tell me Ty had thrown up and had it coming out of the other end of course. When I picked up the phone and Connie was telling me he was sick, my heart immediately begin to flutter.. all I could here was he was sick and he threw up. It was like I heard nothing else. He said his tummy hurt and nothing else, so bless his soul for being able to finally tell me now. He is at his Nana's house and has been happy all day. For most mother's this is all they need to know to not worry about their child. But, I am not like most mother's.. I sit here and I worry, I remember when he was sick and pray that there is nothing else going on. Now, I ask you, why do I do this? I really just want Ty to be a normal 3 yr old, but yet I am the only one not treating him like one. I am the one irrationally jumping to conclusions when my child most likely had a very mild stomach bug that I am pretty sure my husband had nights before. I truly believe that God has given us our trial and that he has put Ty on this earth for a reason. I believe that once we get over this next hump, we will move forward and life will be perfect for us. Whether it will be or not, in my eyes it will be ... Just as I tell myself these things , and I find myself worrying less, the old me pops back in and my worry takes over. So, each time this happens, I plan on blogging and telling you about it. This will serve as a reminder to knock myself  back down to reality. To remember what the good Lord did for my Ty and remember that at no point did worrying make any difference in anything that happened with Ty.

Neurological Evaluation

Well, it is a little hard to blog about Ty's neurological evaluation on Monday because I wasn't there.. Ty's daddy took him.  Unfortunately, all of this medical stuff came when I had only been at my job less than a year, so sick time is not something that I have much of anymore. I hate that I had to miss it, but I have to put some time toward's work. Basically Ty had to be evaluated to see how he is doing after the first brain surgery and before the second. After four hours, they determined he is in the top of his age group. What a smart boy I have! My mother in law was sending me updates and I got a little teary eyed. Again, I feel like he is forced to be such a grown up through this. What two year old wants to go through tests like this? " How many eyes do you have Ty" "Which one matches" What color is this" I mean, not only was Ty very tired, he is also only 2 years old. He may perform outstanding one day and not the other because that is how a two year old operates.Casey said that you could tell Ty was getting frustrated at times. We are exactly one week away for that dreadful surgery #2. I am ready for it to be here and be gone. I am ready for life to be normal, or as normal as possible... does this sound familiar??? I think I have said it a time or too, and I pray that that day is sooner rather than later. Please keep my sweet son in your prayers and Casey and I. Please pray that God guides the doctors hands and that they are able to safely remove Ty's tumor and we can move forward. Pray that his recovery is as amazing as the first and that he doesn't have bad memories as a child. Spread the word wherever you go to pray for my sweet child. I know God is watching over him and holding our hands and I know we will get through this.

13 days and counting...

Well, we are back from our vacation. We had a fabulous time but we are very exhausted. We were so very glad to see Ty when we got home. We went to pick him up first thing, because I knew I didn't want to wait until the morning. He was asleep on the floor at his nana's and I picked him up.. he opened his groggy eyes and put his head down, then shot it back up, looked at me and gave me the biggest smile ever saying "I missed you mommy". Absolutely priceless.... I stayed home with him Tuesday and we had such a good time just cuddling and watching TV. He asked me on numerous occasions when we were going on a trip with him. It made me kind of sad because I knew the next trip would be straight to Houston, Texas Children's, which is now right around the corner. Being prepared for this surgery has it pros, but it definitely has its cons. With the last surgery, of course, we didn't have any clothes, nothing to do during down time, no time to let it soak in, etc... but we also didn't have time to dwell or worry or think. Everything happened so fast that the surgery came and went before we even knew it. This one seems like an eternity away. I am glad I can prepare for it, but I also can't stop thinking about it. I think I have treated it in my head like a minor surgery, because it is minor compared to his first, but when I truly sit down and think about that he is going back in for brain surgery, it breaks my heart. I know God will take care of him, like he did in the past, but noone wants to see their child go through this. Any mother would wish that they could take the tumor away from their child. I find myself having a few more break downs as we get closer to the surgery, just moments of tears and frustration. I am not frustrated with God by any means, I know this is part of his glorious plan. I am just frustrated that I feel so helpless and frustrated that we were so close to putting this behind us that we have to start all over again. I am so ready for August 3rd so we can try, AGAIN, to put this behind us and move forward. I pray that we go to the MRI on the 2nd and that there is no tumor, that we get to walk away from Texas Children's and let Ty go on a better trip :-) If not, then I pray that God has his hands on him and all of the doctors on the 3rd and that this surgery is even more of a success than the first and that recovery is even better than the first and that from that point on, life will begin without a tumor controlling our life and feelings. It is in your precious name that I pray, Amen.

Vacation Time!

Well, it is finally here!! Casey and I will be leaving with some friends for the Dominican Republic on Tuesday night. I am definitely ready and I think Ty is too. He is very excited about staying with his grandparents. The first day will be hard, but I know we will enjoy the vacation away. It seems like forever ago since we bought the tickets. (The Saturday before that dreadful day) I think it is because so much has happened since we bought those tickets. If you don't truly believe that God has a plan for everything, then read my blog in it's entirety, because I truly believe he does. He knew what was to come when we bought those tickets!! I plan to have 5 days where I don't think about Ty's past and upcoming surgerys, although I know this will be impossible,  I am sure going to try. I am so excited about spending time with friends. We have spent alot of time with those friends lately and Casey and I were talking about how happy we are living here and how lucky we are to have met such wonderful people, some of course we have known for years. I can't wait to post pictures and blog about what a good time we had. Of course, 2 weeks later, I will continue with my blogs about Ty as we go in for surgery #2. I am going to close with a prayer for safe traveling for Casey and I and all of our friends and for a safe return.